miércoles, febrero 24, 2010


Los señores departen alegremente en el salón colorado del "Club Señorial", para señores existenciales. Luego de abrir una botella de licor e introducir un par de copas en sus buches deciden volver a ser públicos por el bien de la tradición.
Miranda: Señor, debemos resucitar a los señores.
Valbuena: Caramba.
Miranda: ¡Debemos!
Valbuena: Diablos, señor; bien, bien. Pero oiga, los señores nunca murieron.
Miranda: No han muerto, pero duermen desde hace meses. Hemos estado un poco flojitos, le diré.
Valbuena: Los señores son osos, señor. Se activan para los mundiales de fútbol. Y ahora toca Sudáfrica.
Miranda: Es verdad, señor. ¿Recuerda Alemania 2006?, ahora nos tocan los africaners. Los señores llevan 4 años en la red.¡Caramba!
Valbuena: Yo creo, señor, que habría que focalizar los intereses de los señores. Quizás, señor, podemos remitir los señores a, no sé, libros y fútbol.
Miranda: Libros, fútbol, mujeres.
Valbuena: Señor, comentarios de libros desde la guata, cinco a seis líneas y ya; aunque también, este señor al menos, quisiera agregar tenis.
Miranda: ¿Tenis, dijo?, ¿su deporte aristocrático? Entonces exijo sea tocado el baloncesto, y lo dejamos ras ras.
Valbuena: Estrecho su diestra
Miranda: ¿Bebemos más licor, señor? ¿Acaso un brandy?
Valbuena: Pero nadie, nunca, nos ha visto borrachos o cercanos a la borrachera.
Miranda: Señor,¿hemos llegado a estar ebrios?, creo que no, señor. Los señores -juntos, entre ellos al menos- no se embriagan.
Valbuena: Hay rumores que se embriagan, con putas encima de las piernas, pero nadie tiene certeza en ese punto.
Miranda: Epa, epa; usted, querrá decir: us-ted...
Valbuena: Señor, una puta es siempre la amiga de un señor.
Miranda: Una amiga no carnal.
Valbuena: Puede que no la fornique, pero, de todos modos, es una mujer a la que un buen señor admira.
Miranda: Claro porque, señor, ¿qué es un señor si no un fornicador de emociones?, ¡salud!
Valbuena: ¡Salud! Y le diré: un enemigo de este señor son los libreros.
Miranda: Epa.
Valbuena: Esos cobardes...
Miranda: Señor, un "neolibrero" es a un señor como un monárquico lo era en el Paris de Roberspierre. Un enemigo al que no se le tiene piedad.
Valbuena: El gran librero, señor, no habla, es una estatua; un mudo que, por su parte, está leyendo otro libro. Pero ahora, señor... ja... estos libreros modernos... saltan sobre el señor que abre la puerta.
Miranda: Un neolibrero que se gana la vida vendiendo bagatelas, por así decirlo. Ellos usan la estretegia del vendedor de Falabella.
Valbuena: Usted lo ha dicho.
Miranda: "Hola, cómo estás", dicen con falsa amabilidad. Tienen el picahielos en el bolsillo del impermeable, como en las películas de cine negro.
Valbuena: Y si uno se voltea rápido, les verá la mirada asesina
Miranda: Señor, pero si fueran preguntas, solamente... Ellos, señor, interrogan, presionan, miran con desdén si uno tan sólo observa escaparates con libros de interés.
Valbuena: Exacto, la gélida mirada del asesino.
Miranda: Y uno sólo quiere estar tranquilo para escoger el mejor libro en el momento más indicado. Cuando se tiene dinero para gastar, después del pago del sueldo mensual exiguo de un señor.
Valbuena: Señor, los señores tienen muchos enemigos en las sombras. Debe tener cuidado.
Miranda: Explíquese, ¿quiere?
Valbuena: Antes, quizás, nuestro enemigo más visible era el afeminado modernista, el anti-señor.
Miranda: Me asusta, pero sé de quienes habla: de los NEO.
Valbuena: Pero hoy ellos, los enemigos, se han diversificado; hablamos de seres inteligentes que se han mezclado en lugares impensados.
Miranda: Señor, conmino a beber este exquisito brandy y discutir estos temas luego de que llegue el servicio de meretrices que hemos contratado para conversar con ellas, en el salón VIP de este "Club Señorial".
Valbuena: Señor, tiene usted razón. ¿Salud?
Miranda: Enhorabuena, ¡salud!
El brandy se acaba y las muchachas tocan la puerte del club. Se ven luces y tubos cromados. La tertulia recién comienza.
Los Señores.

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